whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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