i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
