if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
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