Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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