The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
