Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
