Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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