quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
