i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
