I am in a vortex of obligation.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
