Sponge bath it is.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
