Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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