Well apparently he's into motor boating.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
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