from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
