everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
