She just used a chaser for red wine.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You made out with two different species that night
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
