Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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