oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
