Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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