may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
