"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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