I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
