it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I think my fart just growled at me.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
