All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
