Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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