Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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