I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
