Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
