There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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