i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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