come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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