There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
