dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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