Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
