3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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