I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm at about main and main street
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
