Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
he just fucked me for my cheese..
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
