I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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