someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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