My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
