he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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