omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
what is it with giant penises always finding me
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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