Dude my mom stole all your condoms
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
