College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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