i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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