his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
