this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
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