she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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