I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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