And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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