we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
